I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize