The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
