I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
