just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
