Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
