Already got asked if we're dating
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize