Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
