there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
