Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
