My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
