i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
