Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
