my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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