Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
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his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
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He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize