I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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