fuck your aforementioned shoe
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
this is an emotional support booty call
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
