I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
