You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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