Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
