I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
