so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
