While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
