I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
MIDGETS
????
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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