You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
