He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
