holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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