I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
