I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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