Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
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Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So much rum. So many feels.
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We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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