naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
