You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
