I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Couch. On fire.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
