Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
why does every cop we meet know your name?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
