So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
two words...techno handjob
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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