i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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