Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
