I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
