I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
