Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm really busy with my period
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