We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
