i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
