I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
