Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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