We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
