i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
