Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
