Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
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I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
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Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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