Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
