Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
