and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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