In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
