sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
worst night to have a conscience
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
