you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
