The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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