Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
