I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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