I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
