just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So squirting runs in the family.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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