just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
