about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
