I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
