I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize