Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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