If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I use my feet as sexual weapons
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
