I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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