I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
