You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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