I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
