It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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