How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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