He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
