Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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