Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
