I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
