Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
