It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
